Leon R.M. Auguste

Please, God, end my pain.

End this endless suffering.

Can you hear me? Are you listening to us? I know you never intended life for humans to be this way, but please, take me back with you. I will serve you without hesitation. I’m willing to lay down my life to find peace and solace again. 

To live a life full of purpose and reason, to sacrifice my well-being for those who are vulnerable and defenseless. To give up my own vanity for doing what’s actually right. I’m not interested in being remembered by those who live on after this day.

I care not for honor, or glory, or pride. Those are worldly concepts. I care for justice, I care for a world that I wish were honest, I care for a reality that does not exist here in this world. 

I realized that no matter where I go on this earthly existence, there will never be any peace to be found. This is because we are all creatures of survival, creatures of self-interest, creatures of habit. For if we weren’t such creatures, we would surely perish away with the rest of the good-natured human beings who are left behind in life.

Don’t forget that we’re humans, a creation that will never again exist in this strange place we live in. That is because you created us. You breathed life into our ancestors.

We will never know the truth about any of this. We will likely never know any answers to the endless questions we have always asked ourselves throughout time immemorial. As a result, we may never get the end we wished for.

But one thing is for sure.

Happiness is the only way I choose to live my life now. No matter the immense negativity surrounding me. No matter the death, that evokes a sense of injustice in my soul. And no matter the pain, I feel for those who are less fortunate in life and must struggle even more than any man or woman could ever imagine. 

I weep not for myself or the daily existence we must lead – but for those who understand the true meaning of life and must continue to live in material poverty. 

Those are the people that know what life means, for they have the strongest faith. They understand that we are never in control of our lives, for we may steer it in one direction while the wind blows us towards another direction.

Hazy as it may seem, our dreams help us move forward day after day. Our family, friends, and familiar faces help push us forward even when we have nothing in our personal life to live for.

I can no longer go on living my life with such immorality and selfishness.

Amid weeks full of bountiful knowledge and exciting growth, I realized upon self-reflection that I’m still tethered by my humble mortality.

I’m still blinded by: lies, ignorance, intolerance, impatience, coldheartedness, distrust, disconnection, and two-faced truths.

You know, the things that make us human in our everyday life in this garden of evil.

Oblivious to our true purpose in life, that is how it was meant to be in this day and age of monetary gains and humanly death.

I realized I’ve never really made any genuine connection with anyone on a spiritual level. Yet, even when I was dating the woman of my dreams for 3 years, I realized I have the artist’s heart. Wayward, decisive in my creations, unyielding in my plight to find that secret and elusive world every day.

But in my creative writing life, I’ve lived one hundred-and-one different lives.

I’ve experienced grand adventures full of the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve gone through life and death and have come back to tell the tale of unrequited love. And I’ve realized the potential of human strength.

I’ve yet to share any of it with the world, and I have no excuse for it.

Instead, I’m preoccupied with a university, a place I call “work,” and with the responsibilities I uphold as a son to my parents.

But now, I’ve begun to see life. And what I see is something that needs healing.

I see the damned and forgotten, the cursed and foregone. But, I know the intensity of life vibrating on a level unfamiliar to my naivety. I hear the sound of desperate cries as I look into smiling faces that show me everything is okay.

I’ve delved deep into the abyss of magical beginnings and endless creative possibility; and have come back to reality, ready to take back my life.

Reality hits.

My eyes blink a couple of times as I wake up from this eternal slumber of pure ecstasy and hope. I hear a car pass by my bedroom window as it blasts a hip-hop song I once remembered hearing when I was a kid.

Something inside of me stops. What is it?

Growth?

Peace?

The craving for more out of life?

What exactly is it that stops inside of me? Whatever it is, I always seem to forget what it was. Instead, every morning I wake up with a budding energy force that helps to bolt me out of bed with eyes wide open. 

Is it you, God? Is it you…?

Of course, it is. You’ve always been there for all of your children.

 

Forever in Your Debt,

Leon R.M. Auguste

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