A Sense of Restlessness

When we least expect it, we begin to feel a bit uneasy. 

It’s as though the whole world is a playground, and you’re standing still – waiting for the unexpected to happen. So we’re constantly looking at the people around us as a point of reference. And at the same time, we’re trying to make the world a place in which things become our place.

But to strive for success, we may adversely or inadvertently make things difficult for everyone else. 

At times, we don’t really care about the repercussions of our actions. Some days, we’re a nuisance to society and the world around us. Other days, we’re a helping hand for somebody who needs someone to hear them out. And yet even more so, I begin to wonder why we make things so complicated. It makes me wonder why we as a collective make life difficult for not only each other but also for ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, regulations on human behavior can be a blessing; but they can also be a curse. From what I’ve seen, the best kinds of constrictions are the kinds that stop violence or abuse of power.

In some regard, I often feel as though the world (for the U.S.) is akin to a fantasyland of unrealistic expectations. Being that we live in such uncertain times as the Covid-19 pandemic, I’ve realized that people are even more selfish than is natural. I also learned how fragile the very fabric of society is.

At times, I wrestle with myself – trying to break away from feeling any guilt over acting selfishly. I grew up in a single-parent household. I never really had the luxury of having a “family” environment where I could question even the most basic fundamentals of life. But still, I did. And I was a rebellious child at that.

I’ve always lived life according to what people wanted from me. Or better put, I’ve always been compliant in the things that happened to my life. At the same time, the vast majority of privileged people lived their life. But of course, that’s just the way of our reality no matter the period. 

I never really had a say in what would happen to me or where I would be going with my life. It often feels as though I have to comply with whatever goes on around me. Still, I’ve begun to slowly work towards a future where I don’t have to answer directly to someone above me. I know we all have someone to “report” to, but I would instead do something I love doing – like writing for a living and whatever else can support that dream of mine. 

That’s the funny and strange part about life. People are often dictating what we do with our lives. We never really dictate what we want to do. Because? Well, the simple answer is because of the fear of failing. The fear of having no money. The fear of instability. The fear of reality.

Life is nowhere near as easy or perfect as we wish it were. And as such, I can sympathize with many other low-income families and individuals. But, unfortunately, life in this society was never meant for us to succeed.

We struggle day in and day out just to help finance our lives. We’re told to strive for better opportunities, yet we never have any real help when our starting point in life is rock-bottom. It’s gotten to a point where I feel everyone enjoys endlessly mocking and laughing at everyone else around them.

In some way, I’ve always known life for most humans is complicated and sometimes unbearable. But nowadays, it’s reached a whole new low for Americans and those living in 1st world countries.

In some odd way, instead of helping each other – we are constantly trying to put other people down. We may do this secretly and in our own strange ways, or we may do this outright because we feel threatened. 

Regardless, I understand the conundrums of life. So often, we must look out for our own best interests. Or else we find ourselves homeless and without any actual support from the remaining family or friends we have left.

So that’s what I will strive for, to succeed regardless of whatever it takes to reach such lofty goals. I have no other alternative. I must assimilate into a myriad of different social groups and circles in the hopes that I can one day share my hidden gifts with the world. As ironic as this message may appear, I hope you understand that someone in your own life, most likely a person you love dearly, might be going through some tough times. 

So please, if your loved one asks for help – then help them out however you can. If your loved one asks for some time alone, honor your loved one’s request. But whatever you do, please understand that your loved ones are trying their best to put up a can-do attitude with a healthy smile hiding a fragile heart behind it.

Forever in Your Debt,

Leon R.M. Auguste

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